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LEXOPHILIA

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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: LEXOPHILIA
    Posted: February/24/2016 at 12:09pm
WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?         
Why, a lexophile of course!

How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it
  
Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer! 
 
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.  Details are sketchy.
 
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
 
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
 
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
 
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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Sec'yBob View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/26/2016 at 11:07am
I didn't want to be a cowboy..................but I got roped into it.
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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Joined: November/10/2007
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/26/2016 at 12:47pm
Good one.  Clap
De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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Sec'yBob View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/26/2016 at 7:18pm
We both have bucket lists, but yours "pails" in comparison to mine.Ouch
Raised 2001
PM Crestwood-Anchor #443
PM Meramec #313 X3
Past DDGM Dist #24
Lodge Education Officer
Missouri Lodge of Research
O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X2
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edwmax View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2016 at 6:30am
 "I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now."

..... a Paraprosdokian ....it's Rhetoric ...


Edited by edwmax - February/27/2016 at 6:47am
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2016 at 9:22am
Max  you are the ELDER.  Big smile
De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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edwmax View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2016 at 9:33am
Originally posted by Sec'yBob Sec'yBob wrote:

We both have bucket lists, but yours "pails" in comparison to mine.Ouch


Now Bob    ... be nice to the Lady.   I'm pretty sure it's your list that pails in compassion to her's.  And, I think the last thing De wants to do is hurt you.  It's just last on her list.   ...LOL
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2016 at 4:31pm
Sorry,  I hadn't had my evening dose of scotch  yet.

I  will try and be nice in the future.Wacko


Raised 2001
PM Crestwood-Anchor #443
PM Meramec #313 X3
Past DDGM Dist #24
Lodge Education Officer
Missouri Lodge of Research
O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X2
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edwmax View Drop Down
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Joined: November/06/2007
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2016 at 7:29pm
Scotch ???   ... just a minute   .... hum, Gin will have to do here ....   darn it'll make me want to be bad.

Edited by edwmax - February/28/2016 at 4:20pm
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/27/2016 at 11:05pm
Make mine Jack, gents.
De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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WBScott View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote WBScott Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/28/2016 at 7:05am
Old doctors don't die...... they just lose their patients!

Old teachers don't die...... they just lose their principals!

Old truck drivers don't die....... they just get a new Peterbilt!
Wentzville (MO) Lodge #46 - PM
Pride of the West (MO) Lodge #179 - PM (twice)
Pauldingville (MO) Lodge #11 - Secretary
Warrenton (MO) Lodge #609 - Secretary
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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Joined: November/10/2007
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: February/28/2016 at 10:33am
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De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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