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Thought for today

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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Thought for today
    Posted: July/12/2016 at 12:05pm
1.  If walking is so good for your health,
     the postman would be immortal.

2.  A whale swims all day, only eats fish,
     only drinks water and is Fat.

3.  A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and
     hops all day long and only lives 5 years.

4.  A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing
     energetic, yet it lives for 450 years.

And I'm expected to exercise!  I don't think so.  Coo Coo
De
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KSigMason Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2016 at 1:51pm
I'm borrowing this
Bro. Barry E. Newell

Traveling Templar - 04MAR2017
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote WBScott Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/14/2016 at 4:43pm
This is sort of like...

Why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?

If a shipment goes by a truck, why doesn't cargo go by a car?

Edited by WBScott - July/14/2016 at 4:43pm
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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2016 at 12:20am
Yeah, I remember way back when I had a whole page of such thoughts.
De
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In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2016 at 8:00am
I can't remember way back when,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Adept? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2016 at 6:55pm
Originally posted by WBScott WBScott wrote:



If a shipment goes by a truck, why doesn't cargo go by a car?


Wouldn't a shipment go by ship...?
"It is humanity that creates god, and men think that god has made them in his image, because they make him in theirs."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/15/2016 at 9:18pm
If a woodchuck chucked wood, and a wood chucker would chuck wood, how much wood...................





.................................Oh my head hurts sooooo much..........................
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GrimoireA3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2016 at 9:10am
George Carlin:

How come when you put your hat on your head, you forget its there. But when you take it off, you feel like its still there?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?

If superglue sticks to anything, how do they get it out of the tube?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Adept? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/16/2016 at 6:10pm
The late great George Carlin. What an amazing man he was. Another dead hero...
"It is humanity that creates god, and men think that god has made them in his image, because they make him in theirs."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GrimoireA3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/19/2016 at 9:00am
Originally posted by GrimoireA3 GrimoireA3 wrote:

George Carlin:

How come when you put your hat on your head, you forget its there. But when you take it off, you feel like its still there?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?

If superglue sticks to anything, how do they get it out of the tube?


Is it true that lions don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/19/2016 at 7:56pm

the last two are my favorites


APHORISMS FOR THE YEAR...

it's not whether you win or lose,
But how you place the blame.

A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES-    USE BIRTH CONTROL

Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.

If at first you don't succeed,
Skydiving is not for you

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you   
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
Give the rest a bad name.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
To produce reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto:   
At least we're not Mississippi

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

The latest survey shows that
Three out of four people make
Up 75% of the population

"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,

You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could

Identify their corporate sponsors."

The reason politicians try so hard to get

re-elected is that they would hate to try to

make a living under the laws they've passed.










De
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In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BroScubaSteve Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/20/2016 at 9:12am
Compromise is just two wolves and a lamb arguing what to have for lunch.

Ben Franklin said "democracy is" but I heard the variant of it the other day and liked it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote windrider Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/20/2016 at 2:32pm
Saw this one on Facebook the other day:

You Matter
until you are multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rchadwic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/20/2016 at 3:31pm
Just about the time I think I've seen the wurst........
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BroScubaSteve Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/21/2016 at 12:45pm
Originally posted by windrider windrider wrote:

Saw this one on Facebook the other day:

You Matter
until you are multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.
Did you smack them across the face?

because you know ... its ENERGY = MASS * C^2


Edited by BroScubaSteve - July/21/2016 at 12:47pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/21/2016 at 6:01pm
My thought for today


I think I will have a double scotch, and wait for someone to post something funny here.   LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rchadwic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/21/2016 at 8:38pm
Let's try this one......

A fellow was traveling across the Australian outback, and happened to stop at the small town of Mercy.

He entered the local eating establishment, and asked the waitress what was good . . . she recommended he have a cup of their famous tea. So that's what he ordered.

In due course it arrived, and indeed, it was most excellent tea. In fact, our intrepid traveler thought it was the BEST cup of tea he'd ever had.

Until he reached the bottom, and rather than tea leaves, he found hair. Lots of it. So he called the waitress over and said "Miss, there's hair in my tea."

She looked over, nodded, and said "Yes, sir, indeed there is."

"Miss" he repeated, "there's HAIR in my tea!"

"Well, of course there is. That's from the koala bear we dip into each pot."

"YOU PUT A KOALA BEAR IN MY TEA?!?!?"

"He's very clean sir, and adds a certain flavor to the brew. Is there some problem? Didn't you enjoy the tea?"

"I did until I found the hair."

"Well, sir, it sort of comes with the territory, and there's not much we can do about it."

The traveler mulls this over a bit, and asks "Can't you at least strain the hair out?"

"Sir!!!" says the now-outraged waitress "I must tell you that THE KOALA TEA OF MERCY IS NOT STRAINED!!!"
Bob Chadwick
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/21/2016 at 9:55pm
Oh boy,, now it's a triple scotch
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/21/2016 at 10:02pm
Ouch  Sorry Bob, I'll be having a triple Jack after that one.
De
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BroScubaSteve Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/22/2016 at 8:10am
Originally posted by Sec'yBob Sec'yBob wrote:

Oh boy,, now it's a triple scotch


ok, here it goes...

When we were young we thought penis jokes were adult content. When we are old penis jokes are considered immature.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/22/2016 at 9:16am
Considering  penis jokes as immature is just pure phallus-C
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July/22/2016 at 10:05am
~ Betsy Salkind...
 
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

~ Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say“;Women and children first”; is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

~ Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

~ Emo Philips...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

~ Harrison Ford...
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

~ Spike Milligan...
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.

~ Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

~  Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.

~ WH Auden...
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

Jonathan Katz...
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

~ Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.


~ Warren Tantum...
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.

~ Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

~ Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

~ Doug Hanwell...
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

~ George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

~ Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
 
~ Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

~ John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

~ David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

~ Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire.

~ Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.











De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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