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De Darrah
Matron Joined: November/10/2007 Location: Sacramento CA Status: Offline Points: 3419 |
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Posted: July/12/2016 at 12:05pm |
1. If walking is so good for your health,
the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, only drinks water and is Fat. 3. A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long and only lives 5 years. 4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years. And I'm expected to exercise! I don't think so. |
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De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A. As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" < |
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KSigMason
Quarryman Joined: February/28/2008 Location: Boise, ID Status: Offline Points: 981 |
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I'm borrowing this
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WBScott
Quarryman Joined: October/18/2014 Location: Wright City, MO Status: Offline Points: 265 |
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This is sort of like...
Why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway? If a shipment goes by a truck, why doesn't cargo go by a car? Edited by WBScott - July/14/2016 at 4:43pm |
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Wentzville (MO) Lodge #46 - PM
Pride of the West (MO) Lodge #179 - PM (twice) Pauldingville (MO) Lodge #11 - Secretary Warrenton (MO) Lodge #609 - Secretary Past DDGM - 25th Masonic District |
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De Darrah
Matron Joined: November/10/2007 Location: Sacramento CA Status: Offline Points: 3419 |
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Yeah, I remember way back when I had a whole page of such thoughts.
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De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A. As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" < |
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Sec'yBob
Quarryman Joined: April/23/2015 Location: Missouri Status: Offline Points: 468 |
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I can't remember way back when,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Raised 2001
PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient |
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Adept?
Senior Member Joined: August/30/2013 Location: Maine Status: Offline Points: 746 |
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Wouldn't a shipment go by ship...? |
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"It is humanity that creates god, and men think that god has made them in his image, because they make him in theirs."
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Sec'yBob
Quarryman Joined: April/23/2015 Location: Missouri Status: Offline Points: 468 |
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If a woodchuck chucked wood, and a wood chucker would chuck wood, how much wood................... .................................Oh my head hurts sooooo much..........................
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Raised 2001
PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient |
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GrimoireA3
Banned Joined: May/05/2013 Location: Boston Status: Offline Points: 625 |
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George Carlin:
How come when you put your hat on your head, you forget its there. But when you take it off, you feel like its still there? If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan? If superglue sticks to anything, how do they get it out of the tube? |
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Please Note: I am not a Mason. And also, I am not an anti-Mason!
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Adept?
Senior Member Joined: August/30/2013 Location: Maine Status: Offline Points: 746 |
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The late great George Carlin. What an amazing man he was. Another dead hero...
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"It is humanity that creates god, and men think that god has made them in his image, because they make him in theirs."
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GrimoireA3
Banned Joined: May/05/2013 Location: Boston Status: Offline Points: 625 |
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Is it true that lions don't eat clowns because they taste funny? |
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Please Note: I am not a Mason. And also, I am not an anti-Mason!
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De Darrah
Matron Joined: November/10/2007 Location: Sacramento CA Status: Offline Points: 3419 |
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the last two are my favorites APHORISMS FOR THE YEAR... it's not whether you
win or lose, A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party. When blondes have more fun, do they know it? LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES- USE BIRTH CONTROL Money isn't everything, If at first you don't succeed, We are born naked, wet and hungry. Red meat is not bad for
you Ninety-nine percent of
all lawyers Xerox and Wurlitzer
will merge Alabama state motto: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO The latest survey shows
that "I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could Identify their corporate sponsors." The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to try to make a living under the laws they've passed. |
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De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A. As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" < |
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BroScubaSteve
Quarryman Joined: February/25/2013 Location: New Jersey Status: Offline Points: 375 |
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Compromise is just two wolves and a lamb arguing what to have for lunch.
Ben Franklin said "democracy is" but I heard the variant of it the other day and liked it. |
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Initiated 4-22-13
Passed 5-29-13 Raised 6-27-13 Junior Deacon F&AM GLNJ 32°AASR NMJ, Southern Valley of NJ |
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windrider
Quarryman Joined: May/02/2011 Location: NChelmsford, MA Status: Offline Points: 363 |
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Saw this one on Facebook the other day:
You Matter until you are multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.
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Master, Webmaster, Lodge Ambassador
Ancient York Lodge AF&AM Lowell, MA God never sends us anything we can't handle. Sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa |
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rchadwic
Quarryman Joined: June/04/2011 Location: Palm Bay, FL Status: Offline Points: 254 |
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Just about the time I think I've seen the wurst........
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Bob Chadwick
Palm Bay #397 Palm Bay, Fla |
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BroScubaSteve
Quarryman Joined: February/25/2013 Location: New Jersey Status: Offline Points: 375 |
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because you know ... its ENERGY = MASS * C^2 Edited by BroScubaSteve - July/21/2016 at 12:47pm |
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Initiated 4-22-13
Passed 5-29-13 Raised 6-27-13 Junior Deacon F&AM GLNJ 32°AASR NMJ, Southern Valley of NJ |
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Sec'yBob
Quarryman Joined: April/23/2015 Location: Missouri Status: Offline Points: 468 |
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My thought for today I think I will have a double scotch, and wait for someone to post something funny here.
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Raised 2001
PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient |
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rchadwic
Quarryman Joined: June/04/2011 Location: Palm Bay, FL Status: Offline Points: 254 |
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Let's try this one......
A fellow was traveling across the Australian outback, and happened to stop at the small town of Mercy. He entered the local eating establishment, and asked the waitress what was good . . . she recommended he have a cup of their famous tea. So that's what he ordered. In due course it arrived, and indeed, it was most excellent tea. In fact, our intrepid traveler thought it was the BEST cup of tea he'd ever had. Until he reached the bottom, and rather than tea leaves, he found hair. Lots of it. So he called the waitress over and said "Miss, there's hair in my tea." She looked over, nodded, and said "Yes, sir, indeed there is." "Miss" he repeated, "there's HAIR in my tea!" "Well, of course there is. That's from the koala bear we dip into each pot." "YOU PUT A KOALA BEAR IN MY TEA?!?!?" "He's very clean sir, and adds a certain flavor to the brew. Is there some problem? Didn't you enjoy the tea?" "I did until I found the hair." "Well, sir, it sort of comes with the territory, and there's not much we can do about it." The traveler mulls this over a bit, and asks "Can't you at least strain the hair out?" "Sir!!!" says the now-outraged waitress "I must tell you that THE KOALA TEA OF MERCY IS NOT STRAINED!!!" |
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Bob Chadwick
Palm Bay #397 Palm Bay, Fla |
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Sec'yBob
Quarryman Joined: April/23/2015 Location: Missouri Status: Offline Points: 468 |
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Oh boy,, now it's a triple scotch
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Raised 2001
PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient |
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De Darrah
Matron Joined: November/10/2007 Location: Sacramento CA Status: Offline Points: 3419 |
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Ouch Sorry Bob, I'll be having a triple Jack after that one.
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De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A. As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" < |
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BroScubaSteve
Quarryman Joined: February/25/2013 Location: New Jersey Status: Offline Points: 375 |
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ok, here it goes... When we were young we thought penis jokes were adult content. When we are old penis jokes are considered immature. |
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Initiated 4-22-13
Passed 5-29-13 Raised 6-27-13 Junior Deacon F&AM GLNJ 32°AASR NMJ, Southern Valley of NJ |
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Sec'yBob
Quarryman Joined: April/23/2015 Location: Missouri Status: Offline Points: 468 |
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Considering penis jokes as immature is just pure phallus-C
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Raised 2001
PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient |
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De Darrah
Matron Joined: November/10/2007 Location: Sacramento CA Status: Offline Points: 3419 |
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~ Betsy Salkind...
~ Jean Kerr... The
only reason they say“;Women and children first”; is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Prince Philip... When
a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new
wife. ~ Emo Philips... A
computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at
kickboxing. ~ Harrison Ford... Wood
burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Spike Milligan... The
best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Jean Rostand... Kill
one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a
conqueror. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger... Having more money doesn't make you
happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48
million. ~ WH Auden... We
are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have
no idea. Jonathan Katz... In
hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture
naked. ~ Johnny Carson... If
life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would
be dead. ~ Warren Tantum... I
don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. ~ Steve Martin... Hollywood must be the only place on earth
where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball
cap. ~ Jimmy Durante... Home
cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~ Doug Hanwell... America is so advanced that even the
chairs are electric. ~ George Roberts... The
first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to
anyone. ~ Jonathan Winters... If
God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to
the airport. ~ Robert Benchley... I
have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for
it. ~ John Glenn... As I
hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this
rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ David Letterman... America is the only country where a
significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is
real but the moon landing was faked. ~ Howard Hughes... I'm
not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a
billionaire. ~ Old Italian proverb... After
the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. |
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De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A. As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" < |
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