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Good for a wee chuckle

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De Darrah View Drop Down
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    Posted: April/14/2018 at 9:42am

19  people go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"  Buddy replies, "The film said 18 or over." 

 

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

 

 

I was at an ATM yesterday.  A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

 

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

 

 

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 a m.   Can you believe that...2:30 a m?  Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

 

 

 

The wife was counting all the nickles and dimes out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

 

 

A teddy bear is working on a building site.  He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.

The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

 

 

 

An Asian fellow has moved in next door.
He has traveled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain.
It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.

De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
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As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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edwmax View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/15/2018 at 2:15pm
Any More???   haha
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/15/2018 at 10:35pm
A fellow I know wrote a book entitled "Fifty yards to the outhouse"
by Willie Makeit.

I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/16/2018 at 12:17am
De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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edwmax View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 7:47am
haha   ...Thumbs Up
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 7:58am
Ok i cant resist  ... I stole it.     

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

Edited by edwmax - April/18/2018 at 8:08pm
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 8:08am
Ok ... another ...

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 9:16am
This ones for De De De

Don't break anybody's heart; they only have 1. Break their bones; they have 206.

Edited by edwmax - April/18/2018 at 8:07pm
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 12:27pm
edwmax you have been busy.  Very good.  Tell me pleeeeese when did I change me name?  De


Here's one

After being married for 50 years, a man took a careful look at his wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa-bed and watched a 10" black and white TV.  But hey I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year old girl.
Now... I have  a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and large screen color TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.  So I said to my wife "it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman.  She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10" black and white TV.
Aren't older women great?  They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.
De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
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In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 8:03pm
This Irishman is walking down the street on a stormy night, and spies an old man standing near a puddle, holding a pole, with a string and an old safety pin.

He says" What are you doing there my man?"

The old man replies "Fishin!"

The Irishman says" Hey why don't you and I go inside and have us a few whiskies" and the old man agrees.

After a drink or two, the Irishman asks the old man, "so how many have you caught today?" and the old man replies, "Your the eighth one within the last three hours"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 8:10pm
Oh   Sorry De Da.
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: April/18/2018 at 8:12pm
Good Fish Tails ...
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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