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How grandchildren perceive their grandparents

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De Darrah View Drop Down
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    Posted: November/10/2020 at 5:00pm
1. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I'd done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6." (WOW! I really like this one -- it says I'm only '38'!)
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
De
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edwmax View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/12/2020 at 2:16pm
haha ...   poor smelly dog ....
"He who would assume to govern others must first learn to govern himself."





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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2020 at 12:22pm
I know #15 to be true as my grandmother use to blame Zeb even when he was outside.  LOL


Edited by De Darrah - November/13/2020 at 12:26pm
De
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In Water there is Bacteria"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote edwmax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/13/2020 at 6:03pm
I thought that was why women worn long dresses with petticoats was to contain the gas.  Then fluff it out when outside by themselves.  .....hehe
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rchadwic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2020 at 8:09am
Having read edwmax's response, I feel obligated to add some more info...  De might also enjoy the tale.

Flatulence vs crabbiness

 

                Hmmm… I had thought that somewhere I had recorded this piece of information, but a thorough search seems to indicate otherwise. For a bit of provenance, this story was first communicated to me by my brother Dick a few years back. To use an old line, from a long deceased comedian, “He’s got a million of’em”…..

                You will, I am sure, have noted that we guys are not particularly cautious about releasing the supply of methane-related gas that tends to be generated by the digestion of some foodstuffs (beans and other legumes, broccoli, etc). An accumulation of such gas can cause some discomfort, but, hey, we’re guys. As long as we’re not in church, or a similar place like that, it is customary to simply release the pressure. This, of course, comes with some sound effects and occasionally can cause air pollution, but we can deal with those side effects, and life pleasantly goes on.

                The Ladies, bless their hearts, seem to be somewhat troubled by this particular function. You have, I am certain, noted that in cases where we guys have released such vapors, with resultant audible and olfactory disturbance, it tends to generate unfavorable reaction from our better halves. I am sure you will have observed that our Ladies tend to carefully avoid such releases themselves. Perhaps this is a result of long training, passed down from mother to daughter over the centuries.

                I must also point out that there are some generalities here in reference to emotional well-being and general good humor. We guys have a tendency toward good humor, pleasantness, and cheer. However, there sometimes seems to be a tendency toward a less positive outlook on the part of our Ladies, at times.

                There is a simple explanation for this. Women, by not releasing this gas as it accumulates, cause it to build up in their bodies. The accumulated as migrates to that part of the brain that controls crabbiness, and has a negative effect. We guys are not troubled by this, as we have been conditioned to release the gas before any buildup can cause us to start to get crabby or react unpleasantly to our environment.  

                It would seem that if we could train our Ladies to follow our lead in this area, the world would contain a lot less crabbiness.
Bob Chadwick
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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2020 at 11:16am
This explains a lot.  You always knew when grandpa was getting ready to let loose, he would shift on his chair and lift one leg then let loose, after which he would grin and snicker.  The response was dirty looks from everyone at the table and a mass exodus.  Growing up I remember the boys would try to out do each other in both loudness and stench.  One day a boy did this while sitting next to me and instantly regretted it.  Suddenly he felt a very sharp set of claws in the back of his neck, he was lifted to his feet and thrown outside into the storm.  Never sat near me again.  Manners boys manners.
De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
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As Brother Ben F. said
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In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sec'yBob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/14/2020 at 5:45pm
Tim Allen quote: "men are pigs"   I'm just sayin'
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De Darrah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote De Darrah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November/15/2020 at 11:20am
No argument here. LOL
De
Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES
PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ
Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.

As Brother Ben F. said
"In Wine there is Wisdom
In Beer there is Freedom
In Water there is Bacteria"
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