Thought for today
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Topic: Thought for today
Posted By: De Darrah
Subject: Thought for today
Date Posted: July/12/2016 at 12:05pm
1. If walking is so good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, only drinks water and is Fat.
3. A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long and only lives 5 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years.
And I'm expected to exercise! I don't think so.
------------- De Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.
As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" <
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Replies:
Posted By: KSigMason
Date Posted: July/14/2016 at 1:51pm
I'm borrowing this
------------- Bro. Barry E. Newell
http://www.travelingtemplar.com" rel="nofollow - Traveling Templar - 04MAR2017
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Posted By: WBScott
Date Posted: July/14/2016 at 4:43pm
This is sort of like...
Why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?
If a shipment goes by a truck, why doesn't cargo go by a car?
------------- Wentzville (MO) Lodge #46 - PM Pride of the West (MO) Lodge #179 - PM (twice) Pauldingville (MO) Lodge #11 - Secretary Warrenton (MO) Lodge #609 - Secretary Past DDGM - 25th Masonic District
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Posted By: De Darrah
Date Posted: July/15/2016 at 12:20am
Yeah, I remember way back when I had a whole page of such thoughts.
------------- De Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.
As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" <
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Posted By: Sec'yBob
Date Posted: July/15/2016 at 8:00am
I can't remember way back when,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
------------- Raised 2001 PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient
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Posted By: Adept?
Date Posted: July/15/2016 at 6:55pm
WBScott wrote:
If a shipment goes by a truck, why doesn't cargo go by a car? |
Wouldn't a shipment go by ship...?
------------- "It is humanity that creates god, and men think that god has made them in his image, because they make him in theirs."
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Posted By: Sec'yBob
Date Posted: July/15/2016 at 9:18pm
If a woodchuck chucked wood, and a wood chucker would chuck wood, how much wood...................
.................................Oh my head hurts sooooo much..........................
------------- Raised 2001 PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient
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Posted By: GrimoireA3
Date Posted: July/16/2016 at 9:10am
George Carlin:
How come when you put your hat on your head, you forget its there. But when you take it off, you feel like its still there?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?
If superglue sticks to anything, how do they get it out of the tube?
------------- Please Note: I am not a Mason. And also, I am not an anti-Mason!
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Posted By: Adept?
Date Posted: July/16/2016 at 6:10pm
The late great George Carlin. What an amazing man he was. Another dead hero...
------------- "It is humanity that creates god, and men think that god has made them in his image, because they make him in theirs."
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Posted By: GrimoireA3
Date Posted: July/19/2016 at 9:00am
GrimoireA3 wrote:
George Carlin:
How come when you put your hat on your head, you forget its there. But when you take it off, you feel like its still there?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?
If superglue sticks to anything, how do they get it out of the tube? |
Is it true that lions don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
------------- Please Note: I am not a Mason. And also, I am not an anti-Mason!
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Posted By: De Darrah
Date Posted: July/19/2016 at 7:56pm
the last two are my favorites
APHORISMS FOR THE YEAR...
it's not whether you
win or lose, But how you place the blame. A Fool and his
money can throw one heck of a party. When blondes have more fun, do they know it? LEARN FROM YOUR
PARENTS' MISTAKES- USE BIRTH CONTROL Money isn't everything, But it sure keeps the kids in
touch. If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving is not for
you We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get
worse. Red meat is not bad for
you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. Ninety-nine percent of
all lawyers Give the rest a bad name. Xerox and Wurlitzer
will merge To produce reproductive organs. Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL
STUPIDITY. The latest survey shows
that Three out of four people make Up 75% of the population "I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
Identify their corporate sponsors." The reason politicians try so hard to get
re-elected is that they would hate to try to
make a living under the laws they've passed.
------------- De Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.
As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" <
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Posted By: BroScubaSteve
Date Posted: July/20/2016 at 9:12am
Compromise is just two wolves and a lamb arguing what to have for lunch.
Ben Franklin said "democracy is" but I heard the variant of it the other day and liked it.
------------- Initiated 4-22-13 Passed 5-29-13 Raised 6-27-13
Junior Deacon F&AM GLNJ 32°AASR NMJ, Southern Valley of NJ
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Posted By: windrider
Date Posted: July/20/2016 at 2:32pm
Saw this one on Facebook the other day:
You Matter until you are multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.
------------- Master, Webmaster, Lodge Ambassador Ancient York Lodge AF&AM
Lowell, MA
God never sends us anything we can't handle. Sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Teresa
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Posted By: rchadwic
Date Posted: July/20/2016 at 3:31pm
Just about the time I think I've seen the wurst........
------------- Bob Chadwick Palm Bay #397 Palm Bay, Fla
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Posted By: BroScubaSteve
Date Posted: July/21/2016 at 12:45pm
windrider wrote:
Saw this one on Facebook the other day:
You Matter until you are multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.
| Did you smack them across the face?
because you know ... its ENERGY = MASS * C^2
------------- Initiated 4-22-13 Passed 5-29-13 Raised 6-27-13
Junior Deacon F&AM GLNJ 32°AASR NMJ, Southern Valley of NJ
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Posted By: Sec'yBob
Date Posted: July/21/2016 at 6:01pm
My thought for today
I think I will have a double scotch, and wait for someone to post something funny here.
------------- Raised 2001 PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient
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Posted By: rchadwic
Date Posted: July/21/2016 at 8:38pm
Let's try this one......
A fellow was traveling across the Australian outback, and happened to stop at the small town of Mercy.
He
entered the local eating establishment, and asked the waitress what was
good . . . she recommended he have a cup of their famous tea. So that's
what he ordered.
In due course it arrived, and indeed, it was
most excellent tea. In fact, our intrepid traveler thought it was the
BEST cup of tea he'd ever had.
Until he reached the bottom, and
rather than tea leaves, he found hair. Lots of it. So he called the
waitress over and said "Miss, there's hair in my tea."
She looked over, nodded, and said "Yes, sir, indeed there is."
"Miss" he repeated, "there's HAIR in my tea!"
"Well, of course there is. That's from the koala bear we dip into each pot."
"YOU PUT A KOALA BEAR IN MY TEA?!?!?"
"He's very clean sir, and adds a certain flavor to the brew. Is there some problem? Didn't you enjoy the tea?"
"I did until I found the hair."
"Well, sir, it sort of comes with the territory, and there's not much we can do about it."
The traveler mulls this over a bit, and asks "Can't you at least strain the hair out?"
"Sir!!!" says the now-outraged waitress "I must tell you that THE KOALA TEA OF MERCY IS NOT STRAINED!!!"
------------- Bob Chadwick Palm Bay #397 Palm Bay, Fla
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Posted By: Sec'yBob
Date Posted: July/21/2016 at 9:55pm
Oh boy,, now it's a triple scotch
------------- Raised 2001 PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient
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Posted By: De Darrah
Date Posted: July/21/2016 at 10:02pm
Ouch Sorry Bob, I'll be having a triple Jack after that one.
------------- De Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.
As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" <
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Posted By: BroScubaSteve
Date Posted: July/22/2016 at 8:10am
Sec'yBob wrote:
Oh boy,, now it's a triple scotch
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ok, here it goes...
When we were young we thought penis jokes were adult content. When we are old penis jokes are considered immature.
------------- Initiated 4-22-13 Passed 5-29-13 Raised 6-27-13
Junior Deacon F&AM GLNJ 32°AASR NMJ, Southern Valley of NJ
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Posted By: Sec'yBob
Date Posted: July/22/2016 at 9:16am
Considering penis jokes as immature is just pure phallus-C
------------- Raised 2001 PM Crestwood-Anchor #443 PM Meramec #313 X3 Past DDGM Dist #24 Lodge Education Officer Missouri Lodge of Research O.E.S. Chapter 129 WP X3 Legion of Honor recipient
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Posted By: De Darrah
Date Posted: July/22/2016 at 10:05am
~ Betsy Salkind...
Men
are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for
thirty years.
The
only reason they say“;Women and children first”; is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
When
a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new
wife.
A
computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at
kickboxing.
Wood
burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
The
best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.
Kill
one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a
conqueror.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you
happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48
million.
We
are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have
no idea.
In
hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture
naked.
If
life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would
be dead.
I
don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
Hollywood must be the only place on earth
where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball
cap.
Home
cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
America is so advanced that even the
chairs are electric.
The
first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to
anyone.
If
God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to
the airport.
I
have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for
it.
As I
hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this
rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
America is the only country where a
significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is
real but the moon landing was faked.
I'm
not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a
billionaire.
~ Old Italian
proverb...
After
the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
------------- De Past Matron New Hope Ch. #117 OES PWHP Palm Shrine No.32 now Alchor #27 WSOJ Y.B.Y.S.A.I.A.
As Brother Ben F. said "In Wine there is Wisdom In Beer there is Freedom In Water there is Bacteria" <
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